It’s Halloween season chaps, and the scariest thing happening this month is the prospect of Donald Trump becoming the President of the US of A. But we’ll all light a prayer candle for our mates across the pond and move swiftly on to the second scariest prospect of the month: STD’s.
Now, there are a lot of myths floating around about STD’s. Will they make your Johnson turn purple and fall off? Can you catch an STD from touching a particularly sticky pole on public transport? Chappie is here to put your mind at rest, combat the myths and straighten up the facts.
Myth #1: Only people who sleep around or have lots of sexual partners get STD’s.
STD’s don’t discriminate. Whether you’ve only slept with one person in your life or twenty-four, the risk of getting an STD is still exactly the same.
It doesn’t matter how rich or smart you are; if you don’t use protection you are at risk of catching an STD. It’s as simple as that.
Myth #2: If your partner has an STD, you’ll know about it
Not necessarily, chaps. The bad news is that STD’s won’t always cause symptoms. Some, chlamydia, for instance, can often go entirely undetected in a person for years before they realise they have an STD.
Myth #3: Oral or anal sex means you can avoid STD’s
Nope. In fact, any kind of sexual contact (vaginal, oral or anal), will present a risk of catching an STD, so always make sure you’re fully protected when engaging in any form of sexual contact.
Myth #4: STD testing is painful
I know what you’re imagining right now. The thought of an umbrella inserted directly into your most prized possession is enough to make your crown jewels recoil back inside you. However, nowadays STD tests are fast and simple, usually with a urine sample sufficing.
Myth #5: You can’t catch the same STD twice
Wrong! We aren’t playing a game of bingo here, chaps. It is definitely possible to catch the same STD several times, and if you have already caught an STD, that won’t make you automatically immune to ever catching it again.
Myth #6: You can get an STD from sitting on the toilet
Let’s be real, lads. The hint is in the title. Sexually transmitted diseases are contracted by, surprise surprise, sexual contact. So don’t worry, you won’t be able to catch the clap from simply sitting on the bog minding your own business.
Phew! That list made me feel like Bill Murray circa 1984.
If you still have the scaries, head to the Walk-In Clinic for a reliable STD test. It’s always better to be safe than sorry.
Until next time, Chaps.