Hey, Chaps! Especially Dad’s (Father’s Day is coming up, after all!).
So, it’s all well and good that we keep up-to-date with our sexual health, but it’s about time that we realise that our responsibility doesn’t just lie with our own ‘chap.’
So many blokes avoid chatting about ‘the birds and the bees ’ with their sons, but, in reality, you’re in a position not only to teach him how to keep himself safe and healthy but also to give him tips!
You’re the expert
Come on! You’re experienced; you know the drill. Your kid has zero ideas about sex, and he’s likely gotten all his thoughts through porn or over-hearing other kids who claim to be experienced but clearly aren’t.
So, don’t think of it as an awkward conversation. Think of it as arming your kid before facing that uncomfortable world of first-times. You remember what it was like – you knew nothing and felt you had to fake being an expert. Well, you’re in the position to help your kid knock the socks off some lucky ladies (or blokes!).
While you’re giving him the lowdown on going down, you will want to discuss his sexual health. We all know we have to talk about condoms and protecting against pregnancy, but we also chat with him about how to check his own chap, how often, and the various medical well-being checks he should have out there when he’s older or when he becomes sexually active.
How early is too early?
Now, you may wonder when it’s appropriate to start these conversations.
Kids these days are doing the deed earlier and earlier. Ultimately, it’s your choice how early you discuss this with them, but it’s essential to know that it can never be too early.
You clearly don’t want to go into graphic detail with a seven-year-old, but you can chat about some of the basics, and you must remember this is not a one-off conversation.
Sexual health, sex, and everything with it must be an easy, comfortable ongoing discussion. Your kid needs to feel secure coming to you with some intense questions.
But HOW do you go about this conversation?
Opening up that line of communication isn’t always easy, but if you think you’re awkward, your kid is likely squirming in their seat. It’s like having your dad around with you while watching a sex scene… but way worse! Give the kid a break, let him know it’s ok to feel a little weird chatting about this and that you want him to know that no matter how awkward it may initially feel, these conversations are essential.
Let him know there is no such thing as a stupid question and that he never has to feel ashamed asking you anything – even if it’s about sex.
While you may not like the idea of your kid having sex, it will happen sooner or later, and they should face that particular field with as much knowledge as possible.
How do I get over my discomfort?
I won’t lie to you; initially, it’ll feel weird, but the more you have these talks, the easier they’ll become.
It’s always important to stress the sexual health angle. Their friends aren’t going to be chatting about chlamydia or be worried about warts – they’re going to discuss the fun stuff, the positions and everything they see or hear on TV. You are likely the first to discuss sexual health with him, so focus on the facts.
Starting with scientific facts can help ease your discomfort and open that communication up so you can gradually get used to it.
Sex is a good thing
Traditionally, it’s been common to approach these conversations with concepts such as ‘abstinence is key,’ ‘no sex before marriage,’ and other angles that place sex as a negative action.
Sex is commonplace, especially amongst teens, and rather than making it a taboo subject, open the conversation up by placing it in a positive light.
‘Sex is good! It’s great, even! So, let me teach you how to enjoy it properly and give you tips and tricks to help you on your way.’
No, I’m not saying encourage them to engage in sex before they’re ready (or legal!), but be open with them and let them know there’s no shame associated with sex or sexual health.
Let’s start that talk
So, this Father’s Day, let’s focus on our responsibility to our kids and have that talk. Don’t forget to include some tips and tricks and save a woman from being yet another unsatisfied woman blasting about it on the internet.