Now, Chappie knows that all the men who follow him are strong brave souls who are not afraid of anything. He knows that they wouldn’t be scared of something as good for them as a sexual health check. No, never. They’d never be worried about having a penile swab.
Oh! Did I say something wrong? You’ve suddenly brought your knees together and clenched your buttocks. Oh yes: the dreaded swab. Before we get into that, though, I’d like to remind you that the vast majority of sexual health screening tests are performed by peeing in a pot. HIV and syphilis are tested for using blood samples. Only bacterial infections like gonorrhoea are tested for using swabs these days.
Let’s talk about these swabs then. I don’t know about you, but when Chappie was a young lad, he heard some pretty horrific stories from his science teacher about having a swab. It made Chappie fearful of the doctor for years after. Turns out though, that the science teacher was just trying to scare us into using condoms and not catching an STI in the first place.
The actual procedure involves putting a small, soft piece of cotton wool a short way into the penis. Yes, it’s not pleasant but have you seen the pictures of penises with gonorrhoea or bacterial infections? Much worse. It does indeed sting a bit but it is over very quickly. However, the pain you will endure if a woman realises you have passed it onto her will be much greater indeed. So, man up and get down to the Walk In Clinic for your STI checkup.