Health experts have warned that clinics are struggling as STIs are on the rise amongst young people. Maybe us British lads can set an example. Statistics show that the Irish have been forgetting to wrap their chap.
Chappie knows that the Irish’s love for potatoes is nothing more than a nonsense preconception. The Irish’s so-called bond with the potato is nothing that it used to be. The Great Famine, caused by a potato blight which infected potato crops in the 19th Century just goes to show that something natural doesn’t necessarily mean it can’t do you any harm. Take it from me.
Today, I, Chappie, am not to warn you of a Potato Famine, but of another outbreak. Now, this might shock you, but Ireland has seen an alarming surge in STIs in the past 5 years, with the number of syphilis cases alone having soared 88% in the past 5 years. 88!
The most prevalent STDs – HIV, syphilis, gonorrhoea, herpes and chlamydia – have all risen too. And while the limits of my potato analogy may be starting to surface, you can’t argue with those numbers. Those numbers are certainly not nonsense. No, sir.
Bored of Statistics?
Me too. Me too. Just bear in mind, it’s very easy to dally along, telling yourself: ‘I don’t have anything.’ But this isn’t a zombie epidemic. STDs do not turn people into rabid animals. In fact, most sexually transmitted diseases show little to no symptoms most of the time, including HIV. Figures show that over 100 000 people in the UK live with HIV, and 13% of them are still unaware of the infection. There’s a stat for you.
I think I have an infection. What should I do?
Panic not! Even if you should fall prey to one of these blasted infections, STIs are:
- Incredibly common with more than 1 million STIs acquired every day.
- Treatable and in most cases completely cured.
So, if there’s something that doesn’t look right down there be sure to let a doctor have a fondle. Nobody likes the idea of it, sure, but these medical professionals have seen it all.
How do I prevent contracting a disease?
You can get condoms for free at contraception clinics, sexual health clinics, and some GP surgeries. So, don’t think that you have to buy them for an outrageous price from your local supermarket. After all, it’s just latex and lube – more of a rip off than popcorn.
Many would write it off as a myth, but you can, in fact, get an STD without having sex. No, you probably aren’t going to contract AIDS by sitting on a toilet seat, but so little as a kiss could be contagious. Viruses such as herpes and chlamydia require very little sexual activity to pass on.
How do I know that it’s safe sex?
The only way to make sure that you don’t contract a sexually transmitted disease is to remember to wrap the chap. Put on a Johnnie. It’s also worth remembering that even if she is on the pill, then that might stop a little fella from popping out, but it won’t protect you from infection.
Even if you think you can trust someone, if you haven’t had that conversation, how can you know that it’s safe? Sure, they look healthy enough, you think.
They’re well educated, they seem to have had a good upbringing, maybe they made a generous donation to a man holding a charity box on your way home. But have they been checked? Who were they with before they were with you? Had that person been checked? It’s a vicious cycle.